I Almost Became Invisible
I almost became invisible
As the illness crumbled my body and soul
and weakened my mind
I fell all alone into a black hole
It took control
A cruel Master
When I cried out for help
to those I Iove
There was only empty space
No comfort
No grace
Just me disintegrating
Grieving the death of who I was
So strong and ready for any fight
Now just a frail ghost of all that lovely light
The pain blinds your eyes and silences your voice
Pushing you further down into the darkness
It makes every choice
You no longer see their faces
The sickness takes over and erases
all that is positive
Your view is of the back of them
fleeing the scene
They do not mean to be cruel
They are frightened
Unenlightened
You are a bad car accident they do not wish to see
The mangled aftermath
They turn their faces away in horror
and guilt
And you are left with the crumbled pieces
that you alone must build
into something new
You can hardly bear the reflection
in the mirror
So you don’t blame them
That girl you once loved is dead
They also mourn her
and look upon you now with dread
You are not what they remember
it is heartbreaking and terrifying
And so you must dig down deep
and find the strength
to be amazing as you deteriorate
Aching
Grieving
But still breathing
You need to reconstruct yourself
for your sake
and theirs
So with broken bones and muscles on fire
you let the desire
to rise again from the ashes
beat back the flames of defeat
With a will that would make the angels weep
you defy the odds and rejoin the living
And keep on giving
Because you were never the kind of girl
who looked for a Knight
Only a sword
And the comfort on their faces
when they can look at you one more
is your reward
Written by Janey-Coyne Scaturro
ABOUT THE WRITER:
I've always had fragments of my own poetry and song lyrics swirling around in my head since I was young but I never thought to write them down. When I turned 49 in 2012 and was one year away from 50 it dawned on me that I had more time behind me than in front of me so I felt an urgency to finally put the thoughts and feelings down on paper. I had no idea that hundreds of poems were about to pour out, enough to fill six books so far. They are mostly about living and loving and the struggle of trying to get it right, triumph and failure, pain and joy, and the wonder of this thing we call life. My books are published on Amazon Kindle Ebooks. Fibromyalgia is what I have, it does not define who I am, or limit what I can accomplish.