I Almost Became Invisible

I almost became invisible

As the illness crumbled my body and soul

and weakened my mind

I fell all alone into a black hole

It took control

A cruel Master

When I cried out for help

to those I Iove

There was only empty space

No comfort

No grace

Just me disintegrating

Grieving the death of who I was

So strong and ready for any fight

Now just a frail ghost of all that lovely light

The pain blinds your eyes and silences your voice

Pushing you further down into the darkness

It makes every choice

You no longer see their faces

The sickness takes over and erases

all that is positive

Your view is of the back of them

fleeing the scene

They do not mean to be cruel

They are frightened

Unenlightened

You are a bad car accident they do not wish to see

The mangled aftermath

They turn their faces away in horror

and guilt

And you are left with the crumbled pieces

that you alone must build

into something new

You can hardly bear the reflection

in the mirror

So you don’t blame them

That girl you once loved is dead

They also mourn her

and look upon you now with dread

You are not what they remember

it is heartbreaking and terrifying

And so you must dig down deep

and find the strength

to be amazing as you deteriorate

Aching

Grieving

But still breathing

You need to reconstruct yourself

for your sake

and theirs

So with broken bones and muscles on fire

you let the desire

to rise again from the ashes

beat back the flames of defeat

With a will that would make the angels weep

you defy the odds and rejoin the living

And keep on giving

Because you were never the kind of girl

who looked for a Knight

Only a sword

And the comfort on their faces

when they can look at you one more

is your reward

Written by Janey-Coyne Scaturro

ABOUT THE WRITER:

I've always had fragments of my own poetry and song lyrics swirling around in my head since I was young but I never thought to write them down. When I turned 49 in 2012 and was one year away from 50 it dawned on me that I had more time behind me than in front of me so I felt an urgency to finally put the thoughts and feelings down on paper. I had no idea that hundreds of poems were about to pour out, enough to fill six books so far. They are mostly about living and loving and the struggle of trying to get it right, triumph and failure, pain and joy, and the wonder of this thing we call life. My books are published on Amazon Kindle Ebooks. Fibromyalgia is what I have, it does not define who I am, or limit what I can accomplish.