Sweet 16-My Fibromyalgia Journey
Happy Woman’s History Month!
Happy Woman’s History Month!
In honor of the month, I am sharing a piece of my story titled-Sweet 16, My Fibromyalgia Journey via Mi Voz Blog. I have safeguarded this piece of my story for over 16 years. Partly because fibro fog blocked it out and later because I was ashamed of how I would be perceived by others. But truth be told, once you begin to heal, several things happen:
You begin to see the strength in what you thought were weaknesses
You stop caring about other peoples opinions
You yearn to share what you’ve learned in order to help someone else who may be struggling
You understand that no one really knows you, they only know you based on the chapter they walk into your life
You learn that we are all susceptible to burnout and should prioritize self, mental health, and being kind to one another.
With all of that in mind, I share a part of the past because coming to terms with it has allowed me to move forward. I've heard one to many stories of Women who continue to power through the pain and bottled-up emotions, all for the sake of Family. Today marks the beginning of Women's History Month and as I free myself from the chains that held me back, I hope to be a catalyst in helping others follow suit.
In Power, Peace & Progress!
Milly Velez
FCSA Founder & Executive Director
Sweet 16-My Fibromyalgia Journey
“I got you, I see you, I see you bleeding, I see you open, I acknowledge you, I’m holding you, and now I’m going to get up and take care of you”
It all started with an emotional trigger. I always took pride in being an overcomer and powering through some awful stuff that no human being should ever have to endure. However, this time was different. I started beating myself up mentally. How could I not have seen the writing on the wall? I used words such as “dumb” instead of naïve. I felt unworthy of love and the family I desired. Then a few months later, the physical pain began. I started waking up hunched over and in pain. My energy levels were low. Coming home from work and making my way up the four-story walk-up I lived in at the time, began to take a toll on my body. The photographic memory that had me proudly climbing the ladder of success, was now experiencing trouble recalling the simplest things. This led to a “full workup” by my Primary Care Physician and later to the fibromyalgia diagnosis that took me, hostage. Several years later, the roller coaster of emotional and physical pain, the stress of a pandemic, additional trauma, and financial insecurity tried to strip me of all that I had accomplished in life. To add insult to injury, some of the people I loved the most, turned their backs on me instead of offering support and care. This time around, the numbness derived from the mental shock. I spent eight months at home, barely spoke a word, and spent a lot of time meditating on my sofa, sitting by a lake, or dancing through my emotions at home. Sixteen years after my diagnosis and while having endured additional trauma to my nervous system along the way- I am finally starting to find new life. I have learned to love myself hard and see the beauty in perseverance, the strength in processing and overcoming some heavy shit, the power in my thoughts, and in letting go. Knowing a higher power kept me safe through it all has made me fearless. I am finally freeing myself from the diagnosis, depression, and people that tried to steal my inner beauty, career, and mind.
As I begin to dive deeper into how trauma plays a role in our nervous systems and how an emotional trigger could have caused my fibromyalgia diagnosis. I question If the first five years of a child’s early experiences and relationships in life are critical for development-Then why is a chronic illness like fibromyalgia not thought of in the same way? Our lives change overnight, it literally feels like learning to live again in a different body. Are those first years not critical to how our life with a chronic illness will play out? The early years for a person living with fibromyalgia, often consist of being shuffled throughout the healthcare system with little to no answers. The average time for a diagnosis is five to six years. For people in low-income communities with health disparities it can take upwards of nine.
I always preface my fibromyalgia story with making a point of stating how lucky I was to be diagnosed within a year of symptoms. I also had the privilege of private health insurance and being treated by “Top Doctors”. Nonetheless, when I was initially diagnosed, I was prescribed a medication that numbed the pain and tried to strip me of my identity as Latina (I like feeling emotions). When in fact, feeling and processing intense deep-rooted emotions has been where I have found the most healing and comfort for my nervous system. Why was I left to figure this out myself? Why was this self-taught during a pandemic? Certainly, someone supporting and guiding me could have saved me and my family from a whirlwind of hurt. But since mindset and thoughts are what triggered the fibromyalgia that wreaked havoc on my body, mind, and soul, I am going to shift and focus on the healing that began during a pandemic, and that the intention of the past 16 years has been my life purpose. Which I believe is to use every lived traumatic experience, my social service background, and every single ounce of energy left in my body to fill the void in the fibromyalgia community.
Today, as I continue using meditation, dance, and sound healing tools to regain, heal and calm my mind. I find joy, strength, and deep purpose in the work I am doing through the FCSA. We are the only social service entity providing 100% free coordinated care to people living with fibromyalgia. We assign every participant a care navigator to help them navigate external resources and mitigate additional stressors on the nervous system. Through groups, meet-ups, and community circles we are able to identify triggers, teach folx how to self-regulate, and manage fibromyalgia holistically. We share our highs and lows of the week and set goals where we agree to hold each other accountable. But most important of all, we empower each other to set boundaries, practice self-love and advocate for ourselves within the medical, disability, and larger community!
As I come to understand my fibromyalgia journey and take on the responsibility of caring for my community, it begins to feel like it is time to celebrate my Sweet 16. In the United States of America, a Sweet 16 is when we celebrate a girl’s coming of age-Happy Women’s History Month!
#MentalHealth #Fibromyalgia #HerStory